Hole in One.

Approximately 150,000 hole-in-ones are made each year.  0 hole-in-ones have been made by this golfer. Let’s do some quick math.  The unofficial estimated odds for a low handicapper making a hole are 5,000:1.  I have played an estimated 2,000 rounds of golf with approximately 4 par 3’s per round of golf.  That put’s my total at 8,000 or so hole-in-one attempts.  Mathematically, I am overdue.

Within the past 10 years or so, I have started the Ace Cam campaign, which is my personal attempt to capture my very first hole in one on amateur video.  So far, the only good ones, are the really bad ones.  Here I will recap some of my closest and most interesting calls.

• June 1991 Arlington Park Golf Course, 5th hole, 130 yards:  My 7 iron was struck pure and true.  However, my Pinnacle Gold came to rest overhanging the edge of the cup.  I got down on my hands and knees, stared at the ball, and blew it into the hole.  I recorded an unofficial score of 1.5.  I was only 11, but the ace hunt was on!!
• Sometime in 1994, Swan Lake Golf Club, 5th hole, 172 yards:  I hit a high floater into a stiff wind.  The ball was on a string to the hole, this one was going in.  When the golf ball hit the green it bounced very high, like it had hit a cart path, and settled a couple feet from the hole.  That was odd, we thought.  When we arrived on the green, we realized that the ball had landed directly into the hole and bounced out.  Shattered parts of the cup were all over the green.  I remember hanging onto one of those pieces of the broken cup as some sort of memento to my sorrows.
• 2000, Indiana University Golf Club, 4th hole, 216 yards:  One fine fall college evening, I strolled over to the University course with a couple of buddies and a couple of six packs.  This half-drunk 3 iron had its eyes on making history and as it landed, it disappeared.  Perhaps over the green, perhaps in the hole.  Moments later several raccoons would make their way across the green.  Raccoons!!!  We never found that golf ball...  It cannot be ruled out that the raccoons did not pluck my ball from the hole in some sort of raccoon golf prank.

• 2010, The LInks at Bodega Harbour, 7th hole, 215 yards:  With a serious backup in play on the 8th hole, there were about 8 witnesses to this one.  On a foggy afternoon, I ripped my tee shot right at the hole.  It was an absolute laser beam and I knew it was going to be close.  As my ball struck the green, I heard loud screams and yells up by the green, and for one glorious half of a second, I had finally done it, a hole in one.  I was the greatest golfer to ever live!!  Then I heard the sounds, “Awwwhhhhhh” and my dreams had been dashed.  Upon arriving at the green to find my ball less than a foot from the hole, a kind gentleman informed me that my golf ball had horseshoed back at me, a 180 degree lip-out.  I fought the urge to punch his face, as he was only the messenger.  I made the 1 foot putt.
• 2012, We-Ko-Pa Cholla Course, 3rd hole, 164 yards:  After convincing myself that this was the shot that finally drops, I shanked my tee shot into the desert.  Not a close call, but perhaps the farthest I have ever been from an ace.  Video exists, but I “lost it.”
• 2014, Edgewood Tahoe Golf Course, 12th hole, 187 yards:  My buddy Xan was getting married and this was his Bachelor Party, it was the Xanvitational.  Like so many balls before, my Taylor Made would peak into the cup and just say “ehh, not today.”  This one happened in extra slow agonizing torture.
• 2014 Lincoln Park Golf Course, 2nd hole, 256 yards, par 4:  For a while, I had actually given up on attempting to make an ace on a par 3 and was focusing exclusively on par 4’s.  This of course, was bullshit, but it sounded like a pretty bad ass thing to say and do.   To this day, I have no clue how my perfectly struck 3 wood did not find the bottom of the cup.  The Pitch mark was 2 feet in front of the hole with the ball resting 3-4 inches directly behind the cup.  Golf Magic!!
• In my latest sob story, I give you this video.  I had recently told a new group of golf friends about the Ace Cam.  This was my initial attempt on Sahalee's 9th hole.

Scene of the latest heartbreak at Sahalee

No matter how many cruel bounces I receive, I shall doggedly hunt down my ace.  It is out there waiting for me and I will find it, video tape it on the Ace Cam, and then celebrate it unnecessarily and excessively.

Feel free to share any of your Hole-in-One stories in the comments below.  Successful or not, I want to hear them all.

Golf Bros get after Scottsdale

The group of buddies referred to in some circles as the Golf Bros recently headed to Scottsdale to pack in 72 holes over the course of one weekend.  Here is the quick overview of the courses, the players and the statistics from the weekend.

The Players:

Joey the Cat: Joey is a 4 time national skee-ball champion and local celebrity in the San Francisco area.  He packs a solid 12 handicap and has been known to putt out of his mind.

Joe Garvey:  Joe is the wildly successful owner and founder of Clash Scavenger Hunts in San Francisco.  He also runs the Romper Room and owns a blindingly colorful selection of pants and short man shorts.

Ryan Pearce:  The lone lefty of the group.  Even though Ryan stands on the wrong song of the ball, he strikes the it with precision and has been know to sleep with his 8 iron.

John Kennelly: A seasoned Golf Bro veteran, John Kennelly owns 2 aces and Is on record for exceeding the distance of Rory McIlroy's club throw at Doral by 2.2x in distance on multiple occasions.

Kris Buerkle:  The lead logistics coordinator and winner of neatest packing job.  Kris has the fastest pair of hands in the west and can hit a golf ball 300 yards without even making a full shoulder turn.

Patrick Koenig:  Owner of www.pjkoenig.com and golf photo enthusiast.  Took double the amount golf photos when compared to actual golf shots.  

The Courses:

The Boulders:  12 million year old boulder formations outline the crisp green fairways on this golf course.  We took on the South Course for our day 1, round 1, welcome to the desert.

The 1st hole on The Boulders South Course.

Southern Dunes:  About an hour south of Scottsdale, you will find the sweet rolling dunes of Southern Dunes.  Plenty of sand and no cactuses mixed up the usual formula for great desert golf.  This was my favorite course of the trip.

The 14th hole at Southern Dunes

We-Ko-Pa:  One of the most highly regarded options for excellent desert golf in the area.  We-Ko-Pa offers 2 outstanding options.  We played them both and we played em hard.

The 8th hole on the Cholla Course at We-Ko-Pa

The Statistics:

• Total Number of holes played: 432

• Number of photos taken inside the men's room that made it onto the internet: 2

• Number of birdies made: 37

• Number of eagles made: 1 (Ryan Pearce)

• Highest # of bunker shots played in 1 round: 12 (Patrick Koenig)

• Number of Olive Gardens visited: 1

• Total number of cigars smoked 9: (All Joe Garvey)

• Number of wild pigs seen crossing the fairway: 2

• Average score for all golfers for all 4 rounds: 83.3

• Total Number of on course push ups completed: 410

• Number of shots that bounced off of the O.B. net that went back into the target at Top Golf giving John Kennelly the victory by 1 point: 1

• Total number of photos taken: 432

• Highest single hole score: 9 (Joey the Cat)

• Lowest round: 72 (Patrick Koenig, shameless plug)

• Number of hole in ones predicted: 1

• Actual number of hole in ones made: 0

• Longest Drive: 332 yards (Kris Buerkle)

• Largest Divot: 12 inches long x 1.2 inches deep (John Kennelly)

• Total Number of damn 4 putts: 1 (Joey the Cat)

• Longest Putt: 60 feet: (Joe Garvey)

• Number of balls that should have went into the hole but did not: 52

• Total number of golfers that walked all 72 holes: 1 (PJKoenig)

• Number of Cactuses peed on: 8

• Total Number of golf blisters endured: 6

• Total number of separate gambling bets going on during the final round: 12

• Number of drivers thrown into the air in attempt to "practice the club throw" that landed on the cart path: 1 (Joey Mucha)

• Total number of satisfied Golf Bros: 6