The Devil's Nas-Saw

Every Halloween, Satan himself heads out to West Seattle Golf Course to host The Devil's Nas-Saw Tournament.  How does Satan set up a golf tournament?  Well, he sets up one of the most ridiculous, tipped out, pin tucked, terror inducing golf tournaments in the United States. "The Saw" has terrorized golfers in Seattle for the past 20 years.

Normally, West Seattle plays 6800 yards to a par 72 from the back tees.  For the Devil's Nas-Saw, the par is increased to 75 and the yardage is stretched to 8,000.  The course rating is 86.9 and the slope is a modest 182!  You will play 300 yard par 3's, 480 yard par 4's and the first hole is your standard 618 yard "Downhill Ride to Purgatory."  Over the tournament's history, 81 is the lowest recorded score.  

The Devil himself (PGA Professional Colin Gants) kicks off the tournament.  The Devil's main rule: No whining in Hell.

The format for the golf tournament is straight up stroke play.  However, set your expectations accordingly, birdies are about as common as a zombie with a heartbeat and 4 putts are standard practice.  The course is also extra muddy, so don't expect any roll out on those drives.

These Goblins are eager to host any golfer foolish enough to enter the West Seattle Golf & Graveyard.

Some 70 yards down a maintenance path you will find the Devil's tee box on the 4th hole.  "Good luck getting home in 3, you short hitting heathens!"

The 3rd hole, "Hell's Canyon," is a 243 yard par 3.  Good luck getting it through the chute on #12 tee box.  This would be a tough pin location from the hole's usual 120 yard distance.

Any time you make a par at the Devil's Nas-Saw you feel as if you have accomplished something special.  Nice par, now prepare for "Death on Rainier."  Satan keeps the pressure applied on just about every hole.  The only let up is when you get a boxed lunch and a brewski at the turn.  The Devil's chili was also delicious.

Here is Satan spicing up ‘Little Alcatraz,’ The Blair Pitch hole location from 2012.  Colin Gants recalls: "You had to hit it inside the bathroom and hole out near the urinal.  We had some dry ice going and scary music.  It was awesome but way too hard."

It's a Halloween massacre on the Devil's leaderboard.

Good times await your 2 iron approach on the "Burning Man" 5th hole.  Satan has tucked just about every pin.

“Driver and a sand wedge? Nope; now it is a 450 yard dog leg that will kick your ass”

— Satan

One of the Devil's Nas-Saw's traditions is the Blair Pitch Project.  The BPP is a mysteriously located 19th hole that can yield scores ranging anywhere from a 2 to a 12.  In year's past, the hole has been located on bridges and guarded by mole traps and barbed wire.

This year, the 135 yard hole was tucked in the corner of the golf course behind a fence.  Go long on "Stairs to Egan's Citadel" and you are O.B.  Come up short and you will face a flop over the fence to save par.

In the shot of the day, my tee shot struck the flag on the fly and ended up at about 7 feet.  Suck on that one Blair Pitch, I ain't afraid of no ghost!!

"No whining because remember, in Hell...  All hole locations are illegal."

The 2011 Blair Pitch Project hole location.  Yes, that is the hole down there in the middle of the bridge.  "The Goblins will be choking on all of the balls you hackers are hitting into the ravine."

Costumes are encouraged at "The Saw."  Here we see evidence that Batman and the Head Banger are indeed friends with Satan.

In the end, the winning score would be a mighty fine round of 82 in a field filled with single digit handicappers.  The score of 82 by Elias Tunison was just one off of the all time tournament record of 81 shot by Mike O'Keefe in 2009.  Either way, the Devil wins again.  

I would wind up with a 95 myself while managing to make only 5 pars.  Sahalee Club Champion, Ben Garrett. would record the only birdie in our foursome on the day.  That birdie would come on the 16th hole; one of three somewhat "regular holes."  

Even though the The Devil's Nas-Saw is painfully difficult, it is easily the most fun a 4 handicap can have shooting in the 90's and I shall return next year for more torture.  I think I have the skills to break 90.  

A big thanks to Colin Gants and the West Seattle Golf Club for spooking up Seattle and creating a fun and unique golf tournament.  Congratulations to the winners and Happy Halloween to all!

Golfoween

Several days before Halloween the wife and I were driving to the store and I was still without a costume.  Like good Seattle locals we were driving around listening to Soundgarden's "Spoonman."  "What are you going to be for Halloween?"  My wife asks.  For a second I paused, "I could be spoon man for Halloween!"

Just like that the costume was decided.  We headed to Target, picked up a hot glue gun, some thread, and 260 plastic spoons.  I spent the next 3 hours hot gluing spoons to a thread and then gluing the thread to an old pair of my wife's yoga pants.  It was important for me to do it this way to allow the spoons to swing freely.

After fashioning a rather elaborate spoon hat and spoon gloves, the costume was ready to go.  As spoon man, what should be my first Halloween mission?!  Head down to Pike Place and make some music?  Scare some trick or treaters?  No, my first mission would be to head down to The Links at Interbay for some golf.

Please enjoy this fine clip of Spoonman in the sand set to Soundgarden's  "Spoonman."