Every 50-60 years, there is an invention that changes the landscape of the universe. Here is a list of pretty much every important innovation in the history of time.
3.3 Mya - 2.6 Mya: The first known tools were found in Kenya by Homo Habilis, laying the foundation for your annual “group of tools” golf buddies trip.
14.5 kya: Bread was created in Jordan. People immediately exclaim “OMG, bread is good!”
650 BC: Crossbow invented in China. Just 50 years later, Cupid would leverage the invention for matters of eroticism.
Nothing good for like 2500 years.
1804: Locomotive. Locomotion not until 1962 tho.
1830: Edwin Budding invents the lawnmower. The original Rad Dad.
1855: Color photography is invented by Henry Bessemer, paving the way for www.pjkoenig.com
1867: Alfred Nobel of the Nobel Peace Prize invents dynamite. Ironically used in many non peaceful demonstrations.
1874: Gustave Trouvé invents the first metal detector. Immediately points it at friends crotch and makes boner joke.
1876: Alexander Graham Bell invents the telephone. Sadly, he has no friends to call.
1900: The first Zeppelin is designed by Theodor Kober. Zeppelins would not be Led until 1968.
1995: Match.com is invented. At time of press, responsible for 912,000 marriages, but more importantly 456,000 divorces.
2015: Local man creates Pizza Pocket Hoodie. Portable and convenient deliciousness ensues.
For the purpose of this article we will focus on the most important invention, the Pizza Pocket Hoodie. As per usual, Ryan Seacrest and Kelly Ripa broke the news of the magical invention. Local pizza experts immediately flocked to the ground breaking garment. Sadly, I was about 9 years late to the pizza party. There is nothing that I hate more than being late to a pizza party. Fortunately, there was some pizza left.
First official photograph of me in my Pizza Pocket Hoodie. I wore the hoodie while penning this masterpiece.
As you can tell from the photos above, the hoodie is not only gonna score you some dates with the ladies, but it is also gonna satisfy your hunger. The greatest invention of the 21st century comes complete with a pizza pouch specifically designed to retain heat and ensure the freshness of your favorite pie.
Don’t just sit around and stare at it. Get yours today.